This world is filled with vagabonds, and cheats of every kind

of villains, rascals, jokers, fools, with clever hands and minds

their ill-repute precedes them, and we all must keep our guard

to not fall foul of devious deeds can be very, very hard…

 

A No-account was plodding down the winding road of life

in search of just a little slice of someone else’s pie

he came across a Ne’er-do-well, who had stopped to take a rest

each saw their opportunity and put it to the test.

 

Now No-accounts are funny folk, they fool around but they don’t joke

and Ne’er-do-wells with clever schemes can rob a fool of all his dreams

in each, they saw an easy mark,an advantage to be had

then each one’s thoughts turned cold and dark their intentions purely bad

 

The Ne’er-do well was finely dressed, his garments clean and crisply pressed

a feathered hat upon his head, his boots so fine - were worn to bed

his shirt from finest silk was wove with satin socks and velvet gloves

a silver belt, twice trimmed in gold he surely was a prince of old

 

The No-account was not so blessed, down on his luck, he looked a mess

tattered breeches stained with mud his boots were torn with worn out studs

a jacket thinned by passing time, a collared shirt that once was fine

and the hat that sat upon his head was held together with shreds of thread 

 

One was brazened, brash and bold, with stories of treasures to be told

his lyrical lies trick tender hearts, with dulcet tones that pry apart

the other was skilled in the art of grift, with sleight of hand, so quick, so swift

made magic right before your eyes, but this swindler dealt a pack of lies

 

The No-account was hungry, for he had no food to eat

worse yet he had no money with which to buy a tasty treat

but he always had his favorite trick, tucked neatly up his sleeve

a magic flute that played a tune to mesmerize and weave

a siren song that guaranteed, in dire times like these

his clever plan to fool this man was certain to succeed

 

The Ne’er-do-well was completely broke, not tuppence to his name

he was so skint that pocket lint was the only money he could claim

but he always had his trusty poke tied neatly ‘round his waist

the perfect lure that could secure hard cash in times of haste

for a pig in the poke never failed to tempt a starving, ravenous man

and the chance to dine on suckling pig must be taken when one can

 

But there was no pig within his sack, just a mangy old stray cat

a clever cat that he had tamed, but had never cared enough to name

he trained it well for it never purred, it never hissed or yowled

it never spit, nor trilled, nor coughed, nor even once meowed

but on the command of its master’s hand, it made the sound of a piglet runt

if he poked that bag in a certain way it would oink and squeal and grunt

 

They looked each other up and down to see if they be prince or clown

each thought they had the upper hand and began to hatch their clever plans

When right before his eyes’ and much to his displeasure

the Ne’er do well was startled by the presence of a treasure

vast amounts of rubies red, diamonds by the dozen

crowns fit for a royal head, appeared from out of nothing 

 

The No-account just wore a smile, a smile of satisfaction

for it was a mirage you see - a masterful distraction

he offered to the Ne’er-do-well as much as he could carry

but even greedy as he was the Ne’er-do-well was wary

 

He had heard about the No-accounts and the powers they possess

he thought he held the upper hand, well maybe - more or less

the Ne’er-do-well exclaimed out loud, “I accept your generous terms,

and offer you this suckling pig as full payment in return” 

 

The No-account was excited by the deal that he had struck

the Nere-do well was delighted and could not believe his luck!

each worked their plan so masterly, thought the other had been tricked

but they had no time to celebrate now they had to make off quick

 

One dreamt of dining on suckling pig as though he were a King

but ended up with an angry cat a bag and a piece of string

the other dreamt of golden jewels, a rich reward for all his schemes

but he absconded with a pile of junk that shattered all his dreams

 

In life there are important rules, and we all must take great care

when dealing with a stranger the “buyer must beware” 

each ended up with nothing, trading self-respect for lies

these idle, worthless, vagabonds - two tricksters in disguise

just good-for nothing drifters, it’s a pointless life they lead

they waste their time - and yours and mine, planning no-good deeds

 

The moral of this story is to choose the higher road

avoid the paths and pitfalls of common thieves and rogues

so, use your talents wisely, be the best that you can be

strive for the good of your fellow man and a happy life you’ll lead!